Regression

Training!!

Chapter 1:
The Journey

My end semester examinations were finally over and yet again reminded me that I have a lot left to study in my quest for knowledge. Fear, as usual, was stalking me and I responded quite like any other sane person under stress. To put it clearly I was simply petrified at the prospect of failing one of the tests.

The situation reminded me of Sir P.G. Wodehouse who very articulately defined misery in one of his works. ‘Misery loves company’ he said. This statement could be used as a reference here as my companions were also in a pensive mood and the joy of returning to our metaphorical ‘barracks’ (home) wasn’t there to be seen.

Chapter 2:
Home sweet home

Homecoming for an engineer can be seen as a crude parallel to the homecoming of a brave soldier. Since we fight valiantly and desperately, to conquer all our exams at the nick of time, we deserve at least a small reconciliatory title to glorify our struggle. Hence, I decided to use the title ‘soldier’, while referring to our community. This should sufficiently justify the connections I am using throughout the text.
Getting back to the story, I would spare no effort to describe the homecoming routine, which is periodically practiced by my parents as a token of affection for my brother and me.
First, my parents would ask me questions about the journey and I would give them typical responses. To elucidate upon this, let me present one particular questionnaire where I have given my actual responses and then the responses, which could have been delivered by a very notoriously disturbed man

Mom: Was the ticket collector kind enough?
Me: Yes ma.
Insane response: How does it matter? Surely he is not going to keep me on his lap and give me a candy.

Dad: Where did u eat?
Me: In the train, in the pantry, dad
Insane response: In the train, And not in the toilet for gods sake!

Mom: How much did u eat?
Me: It was sufficient ma.
Insane response: I wish my stomach were a weighing machine. I would have given u a time based profile of my weight change and you could have gone forward and submitted it to WHO elaborating on the issue of malnutrition in India.

Dad: Did u get down during an unscheduled stop?
Me: No, dad.
Insane response: Yes, I got down and pushed the train from Agra to Delhi just because it had run out of steam. I hope you are satisfied with this excuse.


Next, my parents would comment on my depleted health with utmost seriousness. My mom would make a very melodramatic face, accentuating her concern for my health.
‘Son, you have become too thin’ she would say. For centuries men have tried and tested all kinds of body profiles to elude this comment but alas, their valiant efforts have always failed. I bet that even ‘He- man’ returning from his successful war against ‘Skeletor’ would lose all his enthusiasm after hearing such a comment from his mother.

As I sat down to undo my shoelaces, my mind raced forward through time extrapolating the future in front of my eyes. I was in paradise, leisurely enjoying my much-awaited vacation. Suddenly, there was an uncharacteristic feeling in my stomach, and instinct forced me to believe that my dreams are going to hit a dead end.

Chapter 3:
Trust your instinct

Normally, an engineering graduate has to undergo some form of an industrial training in their field of interest. However, it is optional for students in our college and is not a part of the curriculum. My mother was very keen that I use my time “effectively” & “efficiently”, which meant that I had to undergo a month full of intense training. Eager to encourage my lethargic designs, I gave my mother a complete history of people enrolling enthusiastically for training and then returning back within three days, just because companies don’t appreciate the importance of such practices.

However, my mother, like an expert negotiator eventually convinced me that, training like a true engineer would set an example for others and this way I would be doing a great service to the nation. Her words were so convincing that I felt a patriotic surge within me compelling me to blindly believe in whatever she had so shrewdly proclaimed. In fact, I was so emotionally touched by her words that I was about to utter ‘inquilab zindabad’ but quickly realized that we were about to celebrate India’s 56th independence in a few days and such words of rebellion are definitely out of place.

Chapter 4:
The hand of god

God, on the other hand had other plans for me. Mysteriously enough he fractured my right hand (it is always easy to blame god for our mistakes!!) when I was playing football and I had to undergo some surgery. After the surgery, it would not be possible for me to use my hand and in the broader sense it meant that I could not go for training.

Rightfully, my mother asked me to visit the human resource manager of the company and express my gratitude towards him for granting me an opportunity to train in the company. Also, I had to explain my situation to him and request for an extension in the training period.






Chapter 5:
It all starts now

The next day I reached my destination 15 minutes late, expecting the manager to blast me for not being punctual. Surprise Surprise!! The manager hadn’t reached yet.
Congratulating myself on my moral victory I sat down at the reception, contemplating a situation where I could blast the manager on similar lines, and teach him a lesson or two in punctuality.
The manager did not turn up even after a while which forced me to build up two theories

1. He probably read my mind and decided to evade my imperious designs, which were nothing but a mere specter of imagination emanating from the sadistic dimension of my mind.Or
2. He may actually be sitting nearby and testing my patience level.

The second theory seemed relatively sound and I decided to adopt it, after spending a lot of time on rigorous introspection. My speculations are often wrong, but, if it were right this time I should be able to prove myself as a prospective employee to the company.
Wait!
Was the manager dressed up as the receptionist or the guard?
My thoughts drifted in this fashion because this particular receptionist was constantly minding the time as if he were a timekeeper for Olympic races. Why was he so time conscious? He might have misconstrued the term ‘watch’, a term that is quite commonly used to describe small timepieces, and might have taken the term quite literally. In fact, he kept ‘watching’ it, as if it were his sacred duty to obey the command. I felt so sorry for the poor fellow that I decided to use the term ‘clock’ every time I have to refer to any form of a timepiece.

Alternatively, I was anticipating an event whence the manager would jump out of the guard uniform and surprise me with a “Hey, u passed the test” remark, but sadly enough it didn’t happen.
Soon, I gave up all these fancy hopes and started observing my surroundings with a more logically oriented frame of mind.








Chapter 6:
The Receptionist and the height of logic!!
The receptionist waited patiently for the manager to arrive but failed to conceal signs of discomfort, which I believe, were strongly linked to my presence.

Although I couldn’t pinpoint the nature of his discontent, I decided to frame a thumb rule hoping to characterize his behaviour sufficiently.
After painfully focusing my thoughts and using the great powers of logic I finally framed a thumb ruleà Receptionists are always uneasy and strange!If Socrates were present at that place he would have, readily placed my head on the guillotine.He would have banged his head on the wall and proclaimed "You miserable fool!! The receptionist might just be putting the nature's call on hold, for your sake!!” “And you have, so ungratefully categorized him as a freak!” Anyhow, I stuck to my thumb rule and later developed another thumb rule à Discomfort is contagious.
Chapter 7:
Discomfort is contagious!

I was getting restless. 55 minutes had passed since my arrival.But assuming that training included the waiting part I chose to control my anxiety for some more time.
After an hour he finally came. I stood up emphatically and gracefully but the manager winced on seeing me, as if an old enemy had returned to haunt him.He gave me an unenterprising look and asked me to wait for some more time. After this he briskly walked off to a domain, which was inaccessible to common mortals like me.For the next two hours he met me at regular intervals and asked me to change my position with respect to the reception and wait for some more time. I complied, assuming that he was going to send an artist to make a painful portrait of me. Such a prospect did not particularly raise my spirits but somehow I started estimating the value of such a portrait.Chapter 8:
Two fat ladies = 88
All of a sudden I was in the company of two ladies. They were essentially quite healthy and had a lot to talk about. They had just arrived and the manager chose to meet the ladies before addressing me!! I have heard of chivalry but this was unacceptable. Finally, he decided to meet me and I departed after executing my objective. When I stepped out, I realized that it took me 5 hours to say something that did not even require 5 minutes of the manager’s time.
EPILOGUE

Over 1000 engineering colleges exist in India, and every year it produces more than 2 lac engineers. However, production and engineering units in India have not even reached a development stage. For example, there is not a single microchip-manufacturing unit in the country; more than half of our defense projects have failed largely due to poor infrastructure and insufficient exposure and many more. This means that India is still not self-sufficient and in fact its GDP is bound to suffer in the future. Luckily enough, agriculture has contributed efficiently to the domestic product and we can still be counted among the developing nations in the world. But, the real question is quite obvious. Is India equipped to face the complexities of the technological era?

Industrial experience should essentially contribute towards increasing an engineer’s adaptability in critical situations. Although training is essential in many technical institutes, nobody understands its importance.
Industries should be extremely professional in their approach towards trainees and must essentially consider them as prospective employees. This way, they can indirectly generate a technically compatible human resource to suit their requirements. They can also have some sort of a screening process to evaluate the aptitude of a trainee.

Such a step may also encourage engineers to set up highly efficient production units.

It is imperative that professionalism is the call of the hour. Are we responding?