A path less Trodden

So, what do I write about after more than a year’s hiatus? Well, it’s going to be another religious blog. But no, this is not going to be just another piece that wants to bash either side for the heck of it. This is what I am writing to myself. To provoke my consciousness, and probably remind me of what I thought of the whole process on this particular day and age, of my swing between atheism and agnosticism. When I say agnosticism, it’s more towards atheism and more about why things are the way they are and about a sense of belonging that is still hard to totally get rid of (I know I don’t make much sense here, but so does religion).

What makes us have such a misplaced trust in religion? Why is it the only area of hope? Most people have placed the argument of a mental satisfaction and sense of calm arising out of religion. But that is because you have trained it in that particular way. Evolution says that even without religion we would think on the same lines and have the same values. (Now, those who say that there is no evolution and that the earth is 6000 years old and all the fossils were planted there can stop reading here. I am not even talking to you. You are beyond hope and I really admire you for your profound dumbness). And no one can answer this better than Dawkins in his god delusion. I have always thought about how we would behave without law and order which he talks about in his book. We are basically ethical beings, who want to protect our gene and this is actually the basis of altruism. Hence, we don’t need religion to be good. Rather, we can use religion to be evil. Like jihad, religious violence, witch-hunting, sati, killing for apostasy and so many other things that make a bottomless list.

You say that god is all-powerful, has the knowledge of the past, the present and the future. But excuse me, what are we doing here with our lives? Richard Dawkins put forward this argument in his book that god can’t be omnipotent and omniscient at the same time. If he is omniscient, he has an all pervading knowledge that makes him realize our future. But at that very moment he ceases to be omnipotent, because he is not potentially changing anything that happens in the future, because he already knows that how it is going to happen due to his omniscience. Even assuming that there is a god and that he is omniscient, what is his purpose in creating life and letting it flourish in all directions, but still knowing everything that is going to happen to them. What is the fun? Unless he is a megalomaniac trying to display his power, this is not a very intelligent thing to do. Or he is so childish that he is playing ‘world’ in his spare time? (Spare time from what?) And to think of it, he does not even have other gods to show off to! Another analogy, under the assumption that there is a god and he is omniscient, is that is he knows all then future and everything that is going to happen, then what is the use of us praying to him? Since, he already has a predetermined course, your prayer is of no consequence in his master-plan. And assuming that your prayer is heeded, why would a god whom you portray as an embodiment of perfection, choose you over someone who is much more deserving, and has worked harder to reach that level. If he does that, I don’t think great of a god who values your devotion to him higher than the hard work required to achieve it. I see a megalomaniacal person on the brink of bigotry. You can ask me, ‘what is the purpose of life?’ It’s mind-blowing and simple. There is no purpose in life. Life was a random chemical accident. Well, not exactly random since statisticians will be quick to point out that randomness is not random. Ok, chemical accident. Probably you were told that you have a greater purpose in life so that you don’t ‘randomly’ kill yourself. I think that life runs for survival and survival runs for life. That’s the perfect couple there.

Throughout our parables and mythology, we have come across gods who are less than perfect. They fight, they kill each other, cheat their enemies, destroy enemy families, are jealous, sometimes cowardly and other such attributes that I would not associate with someone I am supposed to worship. Well, why should I? This also brings us to an interesting aspect. You cannot deny the above mentioned attributes, since they are recorded. You cannot also ask me to neglect such aspects and concentrate on just higher philosophies, because they are based on these basic facts. The whole story of the god’s imperfection, their constant bickering with each other and them trying to propagate their ideology has an uncanny resemblance to contemporary kings. I am greatly persuaded to believe that the great philosophers and writers who wrote down the scriptures merely reflected the persona of the society they were living in. It could be a tribute to the various kings who guided the life and their conquests. Another aspect that points towards this is the morals and the kind of living that pervaded in the society, which is reflected in the books. They just put forward what was best according to them. Though we conveniently neglect theses irregularities and say that times have changed, we still retain the god aspect of it. In reality, we have regressed more into the ritualistic aspect of it.

It s totally not right to base our life on some Stone Age and bronze ages books. Take the Vedas for example. The scholars who have done extensive research on them give an estimated date of 1500 BC for the earliest of them, the Rig Veda. Some other proponents of Out of India Theory date even back by a couple of millennia. And our very own Vedic philologers give an estimate of of 10000 to 15000 BC for them. More the reason to lose faith in these texts, which are nothing but hymns in praise of the celestial Agni, Indra, Vayu, Ashwinis and prescribe methods for animal and other ritualistic sacrifices. I think this is totally unacceptable since what we are doing is precisely praying to nature. Why don’t you guys pray to electricity, magnetism, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes? They are also a part of nature and deserve their rightful status in front of the wind god, fire god, lightning god and rain god. It’s because there was no electricity or magnetism in the minds of the ‘authors’ then. This proves my point right that the texts are contemporary worship manuals. I think most present day pious people will be offended to hear that it contains a whole chapter on soma, which was predominantly known to be psychosomatic. If not that, at least a mind-altering drug. Even conservatively assuming that all they did was produce extreme mental stimulation and high sense of alertness, it can still be associated with banned stimulants like steroids. The Brahmins were said to have used them in their study and temples prepared them on a regular basis. And one theory even talks about the movement of Mesopotamians to India because of the abundance of soma there. So going by today’s standards, I can’t use them. This is just another example to show that these books are contemporary literature and contains what the society believed in.

The Vedas are also said to be sanatana and apurusheya, meaning eternal and not man-made. The explanation is that every time the universe is destroyed and created anew, Brahma hands it over to the next set of people. So in the sense, they don’t have a beginning. So, why doesn’t he make that special appearance once again and solve this problem once and for all. Again, we are said that the Vedic society was virtuous and we are in kali yuga and god does not set foot on this dump anymore, other than to destroy it. Well, going by present day standards, we can’t call them very virtuous. They practiced ritualistic animal sacrifice, used hallucinogens/stimulants, practiced rampant polygamy, polyandry and above all had a flourishing caste system, which people placed in high regard. Religious practitioners (aka rishis) cursed and turned people to stones without any remorse, regret or regulations (supposedly). Kings could take anyone to be their concerts and sex was out in the damn open. The society which considers premarital sex immoral and multiple sexual partners in a lifetime as a great immorality needs to take a peek at the Vedic society that practiced that, before calling them the best of times. The whole point of the above tirade was to question the sanctity of these Bronze Age (Iron gets mentioned only in the later day yajur veda) texts and their dominance of our lives.

Now, what about karma? I don’t have any need to go into the specifics of karma. Why would you want to believe in such a concept? Because you were told to? Imagine your dad keeps beating you all the time, but will not tell you why he is doing that. So, you keep thinking that you are being whacked for something you did wrong, but don’t know what (unless your dad is a weirdo or sadomasochistic bastard). Imagine you become amnesiac sometime in your life. Imagine that you are incarcerated for the rest of your life for some crime you did before you lost your mind. That would be some good ‘purpose of life’, wouldn’t it? Or even imagine a 75 year old man incarcerated for a rape he committed when he was 18. There is no point. That’s the same with karma. It’s stupid to be punished for what you did in your previous birth, even if something like that exists. I rest my case.

P.S. I haven’t capitalized god deliberately. And I have a lot more to write, but not in this one.

Pawns and Kings

"I don't trust him. We're friends." - Bertolt Brecht

CHAPTER 1: THE WAITING

The Room

Wednesday

The blades of the old fan slowly went rounds. Lefty scratched his stubble every now and then as Miman, looking detached from his surroundings, searched for cigarettes.

Lefty: How long it’s been?

Miman Angrez: Thirty minutes. Would you shut up already?

Lefty: Have you ever noticed something? Every time we order pizzas, they tell you its gonna take forty minutes. But every time it takes forty five, that’s five more minutes. Exactly 5 more minutes, every time.

Miman Angrez: How many times have we ordered pizza before and what’s your point?

Lefty: My point is that when it always takes forty five minutes why don’t the motherfuckers tell us that its gonna take that long. Or may be if they tell us that its gonna take forty five minutes, that mean its gonna take five more, fifty minutes. Now that’s a vicious circle, ain’t it.

Miman Angrez: You know I have never been a fan of your logic. Just chill. Pass me the cigarettes.

Lefty(threw the cigarette pack at Miman): Doesn’t smoking make you feel hungry.

Miman Angrez: On the contrary, it kills my hunger.

Lefty: That’s weird man. I can’t take a smoke now. I mean I’ll die of hunger before that fuck brings me my pizza.

Miman Angrez: Its called dying of starvation.

Lefty(gazes at Miman): Now you are fucking with me.

Miman Angrez: You are talking way too much. Better words make for better conversation, don’t you think.

Lefty: That’s why they call you Angrez man. Yeah but I have never been a fan of your literary skills.

Miman(with a smirk) : Yeah well...

Lefty glanced at Miman in a menacing way. The next time he spoke, he spoke sternly.

Lefty: What?

Miman Angrez: Nothing. Get that remote man. Let’s watch some TV.

Lefty picked up the remote and switched the TV on. The sun was high in the sky and the only sound that seemed to inhabit the place is the guitar on the TV. They stared at the television for some time, no other voices, just the guitar playing. Lefty kept on fidgeting on the sofa and amidst all that guitar invaded silence, the creak of the fan became apparent.

Lefty: Man do they always show this Johnny Cash shit.

Miman Angrez: I like him. He plays the guitar well.

Lefty: Dunno. I never had much ears for guitars.

Miman(Passed Lefty the cigarette): Me neither. You gotta listen to fuckers like Hendrix, that Santana guy and this sunny boy right here. I am telling you, they do get to you man.

Lefty(took a puff): You really like 'em.

Miman Angrez: Ya, I aint shitting you. You can consider me a convert. Did you just smoke? You said you wont.

Lefty: I lied.

Miman Angrez: When will you start keeping your word.

Lefty: I am trying hard. And convert? What convert?

Miman Angrez: To the religion of music.

Lefty: Hmm...answer this.

Miman Angrez: What?

Lefty: Guitar or pizzas?

Miman Angrez: Well that depends.

Lefty: On what?

Miman Angrez: How many pizzas are we talking 'bout here?

A(smiling): Oh, a lot. More than the times I have fucked that afro girl.

Miman Angrez: Well now that ain’t a verified figure, is it?

Lefty: Never thought you would doubt me man. Still, guitar or pizzas?

Miman Angrez: Can't answer that now. I gotta learn to play the guitar first.

Lefty: So are you ?

Miman Angrez: Yeah. I am gonna learn it.

Lefty: Man you are turning into a bum. And anyways, why do you need to learn to play the guitar to answer the question.

Miman Angrez: How can I compare them when I haven’t experienced what playing the guitar feels like.

Lefty: Just to remind you, playing the guitar and eating pizzas are two quite different kinds of experiences. How are you ever gonna compare them.

Miman Angrez: Didn’t you just contradict yourself? But that’s a good argument. Brings me to my next point.

Lefty: Which is ?

Miman Angrez: Satisfaction.

Lefty(smoke leaving his mouth): Explain.

Miman Angrez: You can’t compare things that fall in two different domains. However, you can compare experiences. Now each experience is related with a satisfaction level, that is how satisfied you feel after it. So basically I can relate to something by considering how satisfied I felt doing it. That can help me compare pizzas and guitars.

Lefty: Hmm..may be. But by that reasoning, Johnny wasn’t at fault, was he?

Miman Angrez: How is that?

Lefty: Well he did that shit for the first time. He didn’t know what was gonna happen because he had never 'experienced' it. Ain't it.

Miman Angrez: Thats stretching it a little too far. You can justify anything with that logic. Told you thats why I don’t like your logic.

Lefty: So?

Miman Angrez: So nothing. We cant fuck this up now. V would bloody shoot our asses, you know that.

Lefty: Yeah well, just that its a lot harder to focus on something when you know its possibly unreasonable.

Miman Angrez: There's nothing unreasonable in this.

Lefty: Well, you don’t know.

Miman Angrez: Didn’t know you were such a reasonable man.

The bell rang. Both of them got up. Miman went to open the door.

Lefty: How long did it take?

Miman(looking at the watch): Forty five minutes.

Lefty(smiling lazily): Told you.

Miman opened the door.

Delivery boy: Your pizzas sir. The bill is four fifty.

Miman Angrez: Yeah. Come in.

Delivery Boy entered the room and Miman closed the door behind him.

Lefty took out his wallet as he spoke.

Lefty: So, how long have you been delivering pizzas.

Delivery Boy: Nearly an year now sir.

Miman Angrez: Well that means you are a pro now. Ain't it.

Delivery Boy(with a smile): I guess so.

Miman took out a gun from his jacket and pressed it against Delivery Boy's crotch.

Miman Angrez: Then why did you have to do something that stupid? Why Johnny? A smart delivery guy like you.(raises his voice) Or you ain’t that smart, you are just plain stupid, that's why you got in the middle of that shit.

Johnny: Wh....what? O Shit..shit.

Lefty: Remember the incident at 45th street this weekend? You were a hero, were you not?

Lefty took out a gun and shot Johnny in the leg. He fell to the ground, blood spurting out of his knee. Johnny reached into his pocket as if searching for something.

Miman(Shouting): Take the Goddamn hand out of your pocket. Were you going to call other delivery boys as we stood here watching you do that?

Lefty: Time's up Johnny boy. Guess you had an adventure too much.

Johnny: No..no...

Lefty shot him in the head. In an instant, Johnny's body lay there in a pool of blood, his red T shirt now indistinguishable from its surroundings. Miman came and whispered to Lefty.

Miman Angrez: Fancy a pizza?

Lefty looked around.

Lefty: Here?

Miman Angrez: Yeah. Johnny won’t disturb us.

Lefty looked at Johnny's body then looked at Miman. He swallowed and nodded before he spoke next.

Lefty: Yeah. What the heck.

Miman Angrez: I think we should call V and tell him the fucking job's done.

Lefty: No, we don't call him, not yet. Lets eat.

CHAPTER 2: THE INCIDENT AT 45TH STREET

45th Street

4 days back

Voice: Hello. Hello. Can you hear me?

Johnny: Yes. Sir?

Voice: Ya, what?

Johnny: Am a little nervous.

Voice: Don’t worry. You are working with the state police here, not a bunch of retarded vigilantes. The cops would be there at the scene in seconds. You remember the car, don’t you?

Johnny: Yes sir.

Voice: Gimme the description again.

Johnny: Black Tata Safari. MH 02 DY 5745.

Voice: Good. Just focus. It will be over in a minute. You are not gonna get hurt, I promise you. No one knows your identity except us.

The Sergeant's reassurance didn't go down too well with Johnny but he knew there was no turning back now. He had to trust the police and in their ability to protect him. Five more minutes before the car came by. He had memorized all he had to do. All that he had to speak, but the trembling won't stop. He told himself to calm down. All he had to do was get the driver out of the car, somehow. It would all be over soon and he can go back to delivering pizzas, back to his normal life, he told himself.

Some time went by. He couldn't stop perspiring. He looked around and spotted it. He got on the bike and turned on the engine. Now all he had to do was wait for the car to get near and then bang into it. Why they didn't get a cop to do this was still beyond him. Was it that they didn't want one of them to be the collateral damage? Should he be doing this at all? All this just for some money !!

Voice: Go Johnny go.

The car approached and he drove towards it. Traipsing through the crowded road, he banged into it. The car stopped, throwing him off from the bike and the impact scraped his left knee. It was time for action, he had to forget the pain and get down to business. The voice in his ears urged him to get going.

Johnny: You son of a bitch, are you driving with your eyes closed.

The driver didn’t look the least bit perturbed. He kept on smoking with steely nonchalance.

Driver: Get the fuck out of my way.

Johnny: Motherfucker, you broke my bike. Don't you see where you are going. You are paying for this.

Driver(putting out the cigarette): How much do you want asshole. Tell me.

The driver took a bundle of cash out of a pocket in his jacket. He took out some notes and handed them to Johnny. They were all 500 bills. Johnny hadn't seen that kind of money in his life. He had to focus. He had to get him out of the car. He slapped the notes away.

Johnny: Stop fooling around. You are getting my bike taken care of. You got that punk.

Driver: Fuck off.

He started the engine. Johnny started to panic. Whatever he said, the driver wasn't getting out of the car. His mind stopped working and he did the only thing he could figure out at the moment. He punched the driver in the face knowing very well that he would be carrying a gun for sure and that he might shoot him as well. These were hardened criminals for God's sake. The driver's nose started bleeding, he loked at Johnny, his eyes full of rage as he stepped out of the car. Johnny could see the gun tucked by his jeans, covered by the jacket. His heart was pounding in his chest.

Driver: O Boy, you are gonna pay.

Where were the cops. Where were the fucking cops!!! The driver punched him in the stomach, Johnny felt his breathing stop. His eyes searched for the cops. They were not to be seen. Johnny fell to the ground and the driver forced his bulky frame on him. As he was about to be punched for a second time, a gun came and rested on the driver's head. It was the Sergeant.

Sergeant: Step away from him, move towards the car and raise your hands. NOW!!!

The driver stepped away, still looking with mad eyes at Johnny. The rest of the backup appeared and they started searching the car. The driver was arrested and kilograms of cocaine found in the trunk of the car. The operation had been successful. Sergeant came and patted Johnny's back as he still sat gasping for breath. The Sergeant and an officer cleared the mess and got back in the police van as the driver was handcuffed and thrown at the back of another police car to be taken to the lockup.

Officer: Sergeant?

Sergeant(lighting a cigarette): Yeah?

Officer: I am still wondering why we had to use that kid for the job. Anyone of us cold have done this job.

Sergeant let out a puff, looked around, saw the driver being thrown into the van. Then he turned to the officer.

Sergeant: Now that we have used an ordinary man in our operation, the goons, whoever they are, will come to know of this. And they will come after him.

Officer: Yeah. That’s my point. We endangered this kid's life for God's sake.

Seagent: Didn't I fill you in or are you just so mind numbingly dumb.

The officer was quiet deciding whether to reply or not.

Sergeant: Officer: They should come after him. That’s the plan.

CHAPTER 3: THE GAMEPLAN

Police Headquarters
Same Day

They reached the police headquarters. The driver was locked up, his belongings checked. The Sergeant went to his cabin and sat down with a thump. The tumultuous morning had had its impact on him, so he got himself a coffee. He reclined back on his chair and lifted the photograph from his table. There he was, 9 years old with his father, mother and brother, all laughing with joy. He remembered how him and his brother used to play in the backyard and his mother used to get them snacks. That picture had always remained with him. They ate all of it with dirty hands with a smile on their face as their mother used to give up telling them to go get washed up first. That innocence was long gone and here he was, a caricature of his former self, he thought. The officer entered with a cell phone.:

Officer: So are you going to tell me the reason behind using Johnny, or is it just that you think that all of us here are pussies who wouldn't stand up to a challenge.

The Sergeant looked at him and smiled.

Sergeant: Sit. As I told you, they have to come after Johnny.

Officer: You told me that already,

Sergeant(leaned forward): What we know is that they would find Johnny, what they do not know is what Johnny looks like.

The Sergeant went quiet.

Officer: So?

Sergeant: So an undercover officer will work in Johnny's place. They will come after him and when they think they have got to Johnny, we would have got to them.

Officer: How..how will that officer contact us?

Sergeant: Now you have really got me doubting your intellect officer. Its the 21st century for God's sake. Our guy will always carry a microtransmitter whose receiving end would be with me. If he can’t call me, he can just press the button and I can get his exact location. Does that work for you?

Officer(clearing his throat): Yes Sir. It does, it does.

Sergeant: Go check on the driver. Get as much out of him as you can.

The officer left the room. He came back in barely ten minutes.

Sergeant: So, you got anything for me?

Officer: Bad news.

Sergeant: What?

Officer: Seems like he was wearing a cyanide capsule around his neck. He ate it.

Seagent: What!! Are you kidding me? Didn’t you lock his hands??

Officer: Sir..

Sergeant(shouting): Oh Shut up!!! He was the only lead we had into this thing. What are we going to do, trace the car's registration number? What are we, fucking private detectives !!!!

Sergeant always made him nervous. Officer thought this would be a good time to do it, so he took out the cell phone out of his pocket.

Officer: Sergeant. This guy made a call to some guy, Miman, 10 minutes before we nabbed him..

The Sergeant took the phone from him and checked the call register. He stared at it, scrolling up and down for some time before he spoke.

Sergeant: Hmm..this is not good. We need to find this guy Miman. But ..

Officer: But?

Sergeant: These are ruthless criminals we are dealing with. I am afraid that before we get to Miman, they might get to him. If one of their gang can commit suicide to protect their identity, they would do anything to do the same.

Officer: And he is our only lead into this case as of now.

Sergeant: Who ever runs this will know that this guy is dead. I am praying they don’t know about the call made to Miman. Otherwise for all I know, they will kill him as well. They will do anything to save their own ass, these bastards.

Officer: They will kill one of their own? They would do that to someone of their own kind?

Sergeant: These people don’t work on emotion, officer. We need to find him before that happens othereise for all I know, we are back to square one. And I don't blame them, this is a huge racket. Anybody running this has to be ruthless enough to kill with impunity, even if its one of their own. For all I know, they may even employ one of Miman's closest allies to kill him.

Officer: Will that guy do it?

Sergeant looked out of the window. He seemed to be in deep thought and talked more to himself than to the officer.

Sergeant: He will have to. Search the car. I want all the leads we can find.

The officer left. Sergeant came back to his seat, made sure no one was around, picked up his cellphone and made a call.

Sergeant: Hello Miman. Listen up.

CHAPTER 4: THE PROPOSITION

V's Den

Wednesday

V: We can always play with the boundaries of good and bad, can't we? Man is a selfish thing Lefty. All that you have so far done in your life has been selfish, ain't it. Otherwise why would you do that. Its the same this time round. All I am asking you to do is serve yourself.

Lefty: This is back-stabbing.

V: You seem to lack perspective Lefty. You don't see the larger picture. He is our only weak link. If the damn cops trace him down, we all go down.

Lefty: Why me? I have been working seven years with him.

V: That's exactly why you. He would never suspect you to do it.

Lefty: I don't care. Ask someone else to do it. I won't.

V: Hear me out. Don't you want to know what's in it for you.

Lefty:(with a mock smile): Oh, there's something for me too. You know how to please everyone, don't you. Stop fucking with me V. Stop....

V(interrupting): You can go to Bangkok. Take care of our shit there.

They stared at each other. Lefty had stopped talking. For as long as he can remember, he had been pestering V to send him there. He knew V had played his hand and played it well.

V: So, what do you say?

Lefty: You are a jerk.

V(laughing): No. I am a rational man. And if you think rationally, you would agree to my point. I don't want this either but Miman needs to go. Do it for everybody's sake.

Lefty still kept quiet. His thoughts had been focused on Miman but now Bangkok started to gain space.

V: I know you must be a bit uncertain. Convince yourself. I would make sure you leave the country within minutes of this shit. Just take Miman out along with Johnny. And when you do it, just send me a message that says 'Yes' and you will be on your way to Bangkok before you can realize what happened. Do all the guilt fighting on the plane coz when you land in Bangkok, you wont be able to feel the guilt even if you want to.

Lefty(with a smirk): Is that a promise?

V: You know damn well it is.

Lefty felt a rush of blood. He knew V meant every word he said. On the other hand, he wondered if V would dispense with him too if the need arises. He decided to convince himself and this thought made him fell better as he knew he was half way through the job for accepting it. He nodded, turned and started to leave.

V: And you very well know, I don’t take no for an answer.

Lefty: I know that.

CHAPTER 5: THE HOUR OF RECKONING

The Room

Wednesday

They ate in silence as Cash was replaced by Les Paul on TV. Johnny's body lay there soaked in blood and looked like a work of art from a twisted painter in the barren room.

Miman Angrez: Man I am taking a liking to this cheese burst shit. You are right about his man.

Lefty was hardly speaking now, waiting for his soul to die.

Miman Angrez: Man, from now on, I am sticking to whatever you suggest we eat.

Lefty: You like it?

Miman Angrez: Hell Yeah, I like it.

Lefty: Good. Finally we have something we both like.

Miman Angrez: C’mon, what you talking bout. We already have things we both like.

Lefty: Like what?

Miman pointed to Johnny's dead body.

Miman Angrez(with a smile): Killing punks.

Lefty looked at Johnny's body, stared at the bullet wounds and the mess that he lay in. He pushed the pizza away.

Miman looked at him, amazed.

Miman Angrez: What?

Lefty: What? This aint funny alright.

Miman Angrez: We have pizzas and we didn’t even have to pay the motherfucker. Howz that not good for you?

Lefty: This shit ain’t funny. How can you find humor in this sort of thing. Do you think we are nice people?

Miman Angrez: Chill man chill. Why are you getting so worked up? We have been doing this shit for years. What the fuck is the matter with you today? If I got upset about every man I killed, I would be fucking dead by now.

Lefty stared at him, still breathing heavily. He told himself that he had a job to be completed. He had to keep his emotions in control, not give anything away but fighting himself was harder than he had thought it would be. He wished for some meteorite to hit them and end the whole mess right away. But he knew that eventually he only had one choice. He sat back and picked up the pizza slice.

Miman Angrez(nibbling on a slice): But you do have a valid point. This shit ain’t supposed to be funny. I give you that. But then we have assumed roles which do not allow us to get emotional about all this. I mean your point makes sense from a, say, a salaried guy's point of view. He is supposed to feel bad about killing people, because that's not his fucking job. We, on the other hand, make a living out of this. Guess at some level, everyone has to be indifferent about the consequences of his work. That’s Darwin's rule ain’t it.

Lefty wiped sweat from his forehead.

Lefty: How the fuck did you get into this profession? You should have been some bloody english teacher. Who the fuck is Darwin and what’s his rule?

Miman Angrez: Well he was some big shot philosopher for all I know. What he said was that only the fittest survive. Now fitness in this context might mean indifference. I mean look at the beasts. If the lion starts feeling bad about killing other animals, its gonna die, you know of what.

Lefty: Of starvation.

Miman Angrez: Great man. You are catching up quick.

Lefty kept staring at the table while Miman rambled on.

Lefty: Yeah. yeah you are right. Guess we are all beasts at the end of the day.

Miman Angrez: Yeah, its good to see you agree. Finally.

They both laughed. Miman's laugh hearty, Lefty's forced out. Lefty looked at the gun on the table. It still had 5 bullets. He decided he would use only one. Aim at the head and finish it quick. That way it wont pain, not Miman not himself. He convinced himself that it was natural he would feel a pang of guilt. Him and Miman had been working together for 7 years. He told himself that it was necessary, to survive. To be the fittest.

Miman Angrez: Well. Not exactly.

Lefty: What?

Miman Angrez: We ain’t exactly beasts. I mean that’s what differentiates humans from animals. Animals are like, you know, one man armies. They live for themselves, well mostly. People live with each other.

Lefty felt his hands. They were trembling. He took them out of the view of Miman, under the table. He had to do it.

Miman Angrez: Well, people thrive on the notion of familiarity. We make our own little worlds, within which we kind of care for people, but outside it, others are aliens. Ain’t it? I guess that’s why people are called animals. We may behave in a civilized way as long as surroundings are familiar, but we become beasts when we loose the sense of familiarity. Like you and me here is a familiar thing, this Johnny boy, on the other hand was an alien. And a pretty fucked up alien at that. You get what I am saying? We tread a fine line between being human and beasts.

He is not familiar, he is talking bullshit, Lefty kept telling himself. Kill him and go. Kill him and make a move. Do what you have been told to do. You don’t want your own ass on fire. His thoughts almost choked him. Lefty looked at the gun.

Miman Angrez: Now this is called emotion. You see...

Lefty: Don’t give me that bullshit.

Miman Angrez: What? Ain’t you getting what I am saying?

Lefty got fidgety. Hold it, hold it, don’t give in now, he told himself. He felt his eyes welling up and a feeling of fear followed. He told himself that if he didn’t do it, V was not going to let Miman live anyway. Meanwhile, a police car stopped in front of the building, Sergeant got out of it.

Lefty: Shut up man.

Miman Angrez: No, see.

He knew he was losing his will. He had to kill. He got up in a rage, screaming at the top of his voice.

Lefty: SHUT UP!!! SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP.

They stared at each other. Lefty was panting heavily, still trembling. Miman looked bewildered. They kept gazing into each other's eyes. Lefty searched for an answer to the question he was posed with, whether to be the beast and do as told or be a human and face the consequences but all he found in Miman's eyes was bewilderment. He decided to stop thinking and just do what he had to. Miman was still talking.

B(looking into Lefty's eyes): For example, today, Johnny Was a human, but here we are, two beasts.

Lefty: Yeah well, you are right about that. You are damn right.

Finally, Lefty had made up his mind. He got up and moved around. He took out his cellphone and started typing. Miman kept talking.

Miman Angrez: And you know how beasts are. They are selfish. All they worry about is their own ass. The only question remaining is, that when you know what you have to do and I know what I have to, who is the bigger beast?

Lefty didn't understand what Miman was saying. He looked at him, confused. In a flash, Miman picked up the gun and aimed at Lefty.

Miman Angrez: Guess I am the bigger beast today.

All that Lefty could do was stare at Miman.

Lefty: You knew about it? You didn’t say anything to me.

Miman Angrez: I lied..too.

Lefty: Miman..

The bullet was shot and Lefty was thrown back, blood instantly oozing out of his chest. And he was dead. Miman stood there with the gun in his hands. He wanted to be sure and to do that he fired two more bullets in Lefty's chest, screaming. His lifeless body jerked with the impact. Miman kept looking at his body. The door was thrown open and the Sergeant entered.

Sergeant: FREEZE.

Miman turned around. They stood pointing the guns at each other. Nobody moved for some time, nobody spoke, both panted as sweat dripped down their cheeks and looked more like tears. Then they took their guns down.

Sergeant: You allright?

Miman Angrez: Yeah.

Sergeant entered the room and looked at the two dead bodies lying around. He turned to Miman, still out of breath.

Sergeant: Look at all this mess.

Miman Angrez: Did you make all the arrangements. I can leave India right now, isn't it?

Sergeant looked up at him.

Sergeant: Yeah. Yeah.

Miman Angrez: Ill make a move then.

Sergeant: Yeah I guess its time for you to go.

Miman turned back and started to leave. Three policemen crashed into the place and pointed their guns at him. He realized what had been done.

Miman Angrez: You bastard. You double crossed me.

Sergeant: Dont call me a bastard. That makes you one too. (To the policemen) Arrest him.

Miman was taken away and Sergeant started to inspect the place. Another officer entered the place.

Sergeant: Seal this room. We need to get every detail out of it.

Officer: Yes Sergeant. We lost our undercover, Sir.

Sergeant(looked at his dead body): No plan is perfect, officer. Collateral damage is a given, sometimes its them, sometimes its us.

Officer: He trusted us to be there for him. We failed him.

Sergeant: We did the best we could. No point blaming anyone. Take his body, he shall be buried with all the honor.

Officer: We should keep the media off this for some time.

Seagent: Yeah that would be a good idea. All we have right now is a dead cop, a dead gangster and his cell phone on which it seems, he was typing a message. Some mess this.

Officer: What does the message say?

The Sergeant shrugged unable to make anything of it.

Seagernt: It says 'No'.

APORKALYPSE

An infection that appears to have lain dormant since the early 1980s seems to have resurfaced. The swine flu known to have originated in Mexico is probably the only export of the country in the last 50 years besides immigrants and drugs. In all of this it is believed that the flu was finally brought to the United States by Miss Piggy, who is known to have had been touring in Mexico. The biggest fall down of this is the death of the beloved icon, Kermit the frog, who contracted the flu from yet another attempt of Miss Piggy to kiss him.
As the world arms itself with tissues, masks, body suits and quarantine chambers, we present to you some schmooze we caught off the air waves and your own guide on what to do and not to in these distressing times.
1) SWINE FLU: GOD’S LATEST PUNISHMENT OF IDOL-WORSHIP
Let’s face it. God doesn’t punish nonbelievers today to the same degree He did in the days of old. Apart from the occasional flood, tornado and plane crash which involve just handfuls of nonbelieving sinners, He has largely put up with the world’s increasing tolerance to homosexuals, abortionists, Indian Idol, American Idol, Taiwan Idol, Jamaican Idol, Galapagodas Idol and Idle worshippers who head bang themselves to lethargy. But no more! The Lord is back with a vengeance.One of God’s favorite conduits for extinguishing evil is swine. This time, the swine are staying alive and killing the devils, a/k/a Mexicans, a/k/a Simon Cowell, a/k/a cultists, a/k/a idol-worshippers.
2) WHINE FLU
In another unrelated phenomena is the emergence and the rampant spread of the whine flu. The whine flu derived from a non threaning but a highly irritating strain of the H@#!N$%* flu. It mostly affects people already suffering from a condition called Idiotica Hypochondriacae. It results in the patient panicking that he or she has the “piggy flu” due to over exposure to Twitter, Pearls Before Swine, Burritos and Barack Obama. Thus adequately choking the public health system and triggering mass hysteria. The WHO have issued a song in public interest “Had Enough” and “Why did I fall for that” asking all the whiners to stay shut and keep that way.
3) ANGELINA FILES PETITION TO ADOPT THE THREE LIL PIGS
Fiji, Sunday: Hollywood Actress Angelina Jolie here today filed an application along with long time partner Brad Pitt to adopt the adorable trio of the “Three lil Pigs”. The three pigs who are Legen…wait for it…dary for their amusing children’s story along with the Big bad Wolf, were ousted from the city by the Public Health office due to the recent swine flu scrare. Miss Jolie who is already known for her willingness to expand her “Rainbow Family” said she wants to do all she can for this humanitarian cause and couldn’t wait to add them to her current collection. The Big Bad Wolf saddened by the impending loss of his chums can be found in the local bars strumming to the tune of “Pigs (three different ones)” by Pink Floyd and drinking himslef unto getting rusticated. ;)

4) HOW TO NOT CATCH THE FLU?
1. Always cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze. Rush and wear a mask if anyone sneezes around you. Special Anniversary Jacko accessory masks available for 100 USD. Extra-special maks for under 5 toddlers featuring Peterpan and Neverland, 75 USD.
2. When in doubt, do as the Lady Macbeth does. Always wash your hands. Before eating. Wash your hands. After eating. Wash your hands. In between while chewing mess-chawal wish you were having a peproni pizza instead. Wash your hands.
3. If you happen to get sick- Stay locked in your room. Put it up as your FB status. Create mass panic. Ensure a 2 week college off. Win the “Most popular person on campus”poll.
4. If you know someone who is sick- Shut them in a glass box. Sell them as a live specimen to AajTak Sansani. Or Sell him to Ramdev Baba for advertising his miraculous cure for the swine flu. Or just turn him over to the pigs. Let them have the last say.
5. Keep aware and recognise any abnormal symptoms. If you are in doubt, go seek professional advice from the Health centre.
5) DO I HAVE THE SWINE FLU? YAHOO! ANSWERS-
1. I’m a 27 yr old participant in a Jungle survivor series. Just the other day I was showering under the waterfall. And now I am sneezing and getting the body chills.Guys is this swine flu?
2. Yesterday at the supermarket we were standing next to a pork chops stand. ZOMG! Do I have swine flu??!!
3. I fell off the bike. My face hit the pavement and now my nose feels all squishy. Could this be swine flu?
4. There was no power here. I was reading this in a dark room with no fan. It was totally hot and I was sweating like a pig. Is that a symptom of swine flu??
6) RELATED STUFF-
1. Research Papers to Read: Pigs Can Fly - A detailed research by Mr. Wodehouse into the evolutionary links between pigs and birds and how their genomes support interchangability of diseases.
2. Music to listen to: Will Smith- Get piggy with it
Pink Floyd- Pigs on the Wing
Pink Floyd- Pigs (three different ones) – dedicated by the Big Bad Wolf
3. Games to play:
i) Pigtionary
ii) Pig pong
7) DOWNLOAD SQUAD GUIDE TO SWINE FLU '09-
And now the only serious business in this entire article- Sites to go to in case you need some REAL information

CDC H1N1 Page -- The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (located in Atlanta, holla!) is a great source for H1N1 information for individuals and communities. The site is frequently updated and links to other world agencies and organizations.

PandemicFlu.gov -- This site is maintained by the US Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and aggregates information from the CDC, WHO and other organizations.

World Health Organization -- The UN's World Health Organization (WHO) has a dedicated H1N1 site with media information, latest news and official WHO reports.

Food and Agriculture Organization -- Similarly, the UN's FAO is focussed on background information on H1N1, and is monitoring the situation.

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'”- Original Miss Piggy qoute